you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
