I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
