If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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