it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
