Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
