Screwed.edu
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
