you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
