You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
