I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
