just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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