yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
