So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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