I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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