I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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