why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
