I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
