You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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