he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
