my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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