There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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