i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
