Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
