Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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