Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
