Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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