But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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