you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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