these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
