did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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