Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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