i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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