Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
