I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
