I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
