he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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