Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
