that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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