im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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