I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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