im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
