but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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