you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
