let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
