I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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