Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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