when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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