she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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