i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I forget how to act sober
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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