I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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