he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
