I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
