if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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