His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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