2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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