then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Farmville is her only friend.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize