I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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