My hand turned me down
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
