3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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