we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
