Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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