yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize