I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
