How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
