no, he came in my armpit
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
