Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well I just put wine in my tea
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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