Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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