I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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