i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
