Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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